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James Schlarmann

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
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Report: FBI Investigating Whether Trump Spent $3 Million in Wisconsin Buying Votes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The FBI has opened a new investigation into whether or not...

After Playing Fetch With Tiffany, Trump Says His Bone Spurs Feel Just Fine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Outgoing President Donald J. Trump is resting comfortably, and White Doctors...

Housekeeping Unsure How Long It Will Take to Fumigate Stench of Stupid from White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Perhaps its current occupant is still unwilling to face facts, but...

Despondent Sean Hannity Can’t Believe the Confederacy Is Without a President Again

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- There are millions of Trump supporters all across America...

Obama Reminds Biden White House Trash Day is Tuesday

UNDISCLOSED SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA -- Former President Barack Obama worked with President-elect...

Kellyanne Conway Chose…Poorly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In hindsight, her friends and family say that White House senior...

Florida Swamp and New York Dump Finalists for Trump Presidential Library

Presidential libraries are often planned and built once the nation's chief executive leaves office....

Palpatine Demands Death Star Recount, Claims Empire Won the Battle of Yavin

CORUSCANT -- Emperor Palpatine refuses to concede the Battle of Yavin the Rebel Alliance....

Lying Fuck Reminds America The Constitution Says He’s Not Done Lying To Them Until January 21st, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Almost two weeks ago, an unctuous, fatuous, impetuous, deluded lying fuck...

Trump Asks If It’s Too Late to Run Election on “Golf Scoring”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is clearly rattled, and it would appear he...

Election Day: Voters Head to Polls During Final 24-Hours of Coronavirus Pandemic

Today, millions of Americans will stand in lines, sometimes for hours, to cast their...

Trump Says a Vote for a Democrat Should Only Count as Three-Fifths of a Republican Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Americans are voting today for who they think should be the...

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The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...