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Donald Trump

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Devin Nunes: ‘Only 10,000 Benghazis’ Not Worth Shutting Down Economy Over COVID-19

DIPSHIT, CALIFORNIA -- On September 11th, 2012, a terrorist attack was carried out on...

Trump Boys Mortuaries Opens Across America’s Heartland

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Never shy about a business venture opportunity, the presidents'...

Historians Unearth Draft of Famous Patrick Henry ‘Give Me Retail Shopping and Give Me Death’ Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the National Academy of History and Past Events announced...

Donald Trump Jr: “Americans Need to Go Back to Pretending to Work Like Me”

"My daddy always said if I can do something, literally any fucking moron in the world can do it, too."

Trump Says Americans Without Toilet Paper Can Wipe With the Constitution Like He Does

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his administration grapples with how to best coax states into...

Treasury Orders Trump’s Mushroom Stamp on Coronavirus Stimulus Checks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Treasury Department issued an order late last night that...

Trump Demands Obama’s Long Form Biden Endorsement

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, former President Barack Obama endorsed the presidential campaign of his...

McConnell Says Trump’s Dick Tastes Like ‘Total Authority’ to Him

COAL BONER, KENTUCKY -- President Donald Trump suggested during a recent coronavirus task force...

Trump Assures Governors He Stands Ready to Take Credit for Their Hard Work Battling Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a call with the nation's fifty governors, President Trump assured...

Trump Wonders If Doctors, Nurses Could’ve Saved As Many Lives Without His Own Dick In His Mouth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If there's one thing Americans have learned about their dear president,...

President Trump Worried Extended Coronavirus Lockdowns Might Cause Burrito Covering Shortages

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret on the Hill that the president enjoys...

Trump: “What’s The Point of Lying If Jerks In The Press Are Going To Tell Everyone I Lied?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An angry President Trump lashed out at the media again this...

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Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....