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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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MAGA News

Donald Trump Has Many Things In Common With Abraham Lincoln. Here Are Just Some Of Them.

While lamestream media intelligentsia cultural Marxist elitists scoffed at the notion when he brought...
MAGA News

Matt Gaetz Says ‘Trump’s Bootyhole Had the Dewy Essence of Victory’ After Final Debate With Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Matt Gaetz, a Republican from Florida, makes no bones about...
MAGA News

74 Year Old Toddler Posts Full Video of His “60 Minutes” Tantrum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, the most powerful toddler in the free world posted video...
MAGA News

White House Releases List of Purchases Trump Has Made Using Funds From His Secret Chinese Bank Account

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the last four years, President Donald Trump has had what...
MAGA News

To Sidestep Having His Mic Cut, Trump Plans to Share Biden’s Podium

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump absolutely loves to interrupt and talk over his debate...
MAGA News

Biden Promises He’ll Hold a Big Ceremony to Hang Trump’s Presidential Mugshot

WEST HAMPTON, OHIO -- This morning, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden made a campaign...
U.S. Politics

Trump Complains Debate Moderator Will Ask Questions About His Real Record Instead of His Imaginary One

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States of America is the most...
Science & Medicine

Dr. Dre Fauci Suggests Trump May Want to Have Himself Tested for ‘Punkassbitchitis’

Fauci's gangster alter ego is taking no shit from nobody.
MAGA News

Trump Pre-Declares Premature Victory

"That is a really terrible, ridiculous thing to ask me, and frankly you should be in prison for even thinking you have the right to speak to me that way."
MAGA News

Lindsey Graham Spotted Rushing to White House With UV Light and Colonoscopy Hose

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The frantic, urgent exclamations could be heard throughout the Hill this...
MAGA News

Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the Only Things Daddy Can Pull Out Of?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Actual First Lady was, according to several sources close to...
MAGA News

World’s Toughest, Strongest Alpha Male Chickens Out of Second Debate With Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the presidential debate commission announced that out of an...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)