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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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MAGA News

Trump Supporter’s Veins Feel Clean and COVID-Free Right Before He Dies

LAISOLE VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- Doctors attending to his final moments say that Hoss Huckleberry,...
Economy

NY and CA Offer to Buy Kentucky So They Can Stop Bailing It Out The Rest of the Time

This week, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) seemed to put the kibosh on...
Lifestyle

Trump Supporter Takes Knee During National Anthem to Protest Coronavirus Lockdown

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins has, by his estimation at least, recorded...
Business

Local Stripper Practicing Giving Lap Dances from Six Feet Away

VALLE DE LAS CHICHIS, CALIFORNIA -- Candy Sparkles is not her real name, but...
MAGA News

Trump Suggests Using Windmill Cancer Treatments to Fight Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For several days, and even a few weeks, President Donald Trump...
MAGA News

DNC Announces New Strategy: Encouraging Trump Supporters to Protest Coronavirus Lockdowns

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee announced today that it has formulated a...
Conservative Media

Fat Fuck Attention Whore: “Thousands of People Dying Don’t Hurt My Fabulous TV Ratings!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, America's most powerful elected twatwaffle held yet another klanpaign rally...
Economy

Devin Nunes: ‘Only 10,000 Benghazis’ Not Worth Shutting Down Economy Over COVID-19

DIPSHIT, CALIFORNIA -- On September 11th, 2012, a terrorist attack was carried out on...
Business

Trump Boys Mortuaries Opens Across America’s Heartland

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Never shy about a business venture opportunity, the presidents'...
Arts & Entertainment

Oprah Winfrey School of Medicine Revokes Degrees Given to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- One of the nation's leading reality-TV medical schools has decided to...
Science & Medicine

Man on COVID Quarantine Really Missing Taco Bell Shits

LA MIERDA LIQUIDA, CALIFORNIA -- Getting used to living in the post-coronavirus America has...
Economy

Historians Unearth Draft of Famous Patrick Henry ‘Give Me Retail Shopping and Give Me Death’ Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the National Academy of History and Past Events announced...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)