Stephen Miller Will Celebrate First Ever Juneteenth With ‘Ceremonial Trump T-Lighting’

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BEDFORD FORREST LAKE, FLORIDA — When President Joe Biden signed a bill into law that proclaimed Juneteenth a federally recognized holiday, some may have presumed that former White House senior race war instigator Stephen Miller would be upset, and certainly would never celebrate it. Those people, however, would be wrong.

Mr. Miller called over a dozen media outlets today to announce that he was going to celebrate the day that the Emancipation Proclamation was finally enforced in Texas back in 1865, signaling the true end of slavery in America. Not only is he going to celebrate it, in fact, Miller says he’s going to “host a big rally” with “hundreds of my closest kin and klansmen.” He only has a couple days to prepare, but Miller says an ad in tomorrow’s edition of Stormfront should suffice to get the word out.

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“It’s going to be a White Party, too,” Miller told WKKK AM’s Chip Chatterly this morning. “And of course I mean that everyone will be wearing white hoods and robes, but also that’ll be only attended by white people. And Candace Owens. But she’s just Tomi Lahren in blackface, so I’m not completely sure if that counts.”

The party will be a barbecue affair. Miller plans to have “several kinds of meats and other things human non-vampire Nazis eat.” He also has what he called a “special event” planned for the night’s finale.

“I’m going to set a giant T on fire, you know, for Trump. Then we’ll toss a bunch of copies of critical race theory that I printed into the fire, you know for warmth,” Miller announced. “So I hope anyone who can make it, comes out to my white party. There’s no better way to celebrate Juneteenth than with a man who wishes he could delete the 13th and 14th amendments from the constitution and thinks the south should have won.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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