CANTERLOT, EQUESTRIA — In an early morning press release issued today, Head of State Princess Celestia congratulated Big Bird on their recent vaccination.
“We celebrate Big Birds decision to receive the newly approved Pfizer vaccine and hope all mythical creatures near and far, from Sesame Street to the Kingdom of Caring, take advantage of their governments rollout.”
Trump Jr. Not Invited to Thanksgiving With President or Man Who Thinks He’s Still President
However, the news of Big Bird’s vaccine status was overshadowed by the realm’s grim reality of an Ivermectin shortage. Secretary of State, Princess Twilight Sparkle, shared haunting new images of bare pharmacy shelves, once abundant with scores of Ivermectin, now lay barren.
“This is a magical crises like we’ve never seen”, said Sparkle. “Never before in the history of our kingdom have we witnessed such an intersection of the pony realm and the human realm. Where once we thought humans as allies, we now realize we were wrong.”
According to statistics released by the Department of Health and Pony services, two large shipments of Ivermectin were sent to Joe Rogan and Aaron Rogers within the last week, leaving many in the Pony World afflicted with worms and wondering just what the hell is wrong with humans.
“Lets not forget, this isn’t just affecting the magical kingdom, this is also affecting equines in human space. Thousands upon thousands of what we know as ‘MAGA’s’, are now limiting resources to our brothers and sisters on Earth,” Princess Celestria said.
“Humans are literally spending earth money to buy products intended for us instead of receiving a free vaccine, much like Big Bird did. With this, it is my unfortunate task that I request the aid of the Equestrian Armed Forces to halt all shipments to Earth and also taking the extraordinary step of reversing our decision to release John F. Kennedy Jr back to the Human Realm until further notice.”
