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Trump Threatens to Throw His Bone Spurs at Mattis
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's a feud perhaps no one on the Hill thought would ever go public, because one of the combatants is notoriously...
Scientists Confirm Responding to Extrajudicial Homicide With ‘All Lives Matter’ Makes You a Total...
It could be one of the most important scientific studies since it was proven that Senator Ted Cruz thinks about butt sex more than...
Trump Condemns Antifa Propaganda Like “Saving Private Ryan,” “Inglourious Basterds,” and “Indiana Jones”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Trump continued his administration's all-out blitz on AntiFa, a very loose organization of people dedicated to fighting fascism. Though...
Americans Designate MAGA a Terrorist Organization
While the president and his administration have deemed AntiFa -- a political ideology that declares itself against fascism -- a terrorist organization, actual Americans...
Trump: “This Book Has Absolutely No Pictures of Titties In It”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump cited the Insurrection Act of 1807 and had federal officers use tear gas to disperse peaceful protesters...
Trump Thought Secret Service Would Take Him Golfing When He Begged to Be Put...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Protests against police brutality have erupted all over the country since footage of a Minneapolis police officer kneeling on a black...
Is Your Rascal Scooter Fully Charged In Preparation for a Second Civil War?
The President of the United States is currently the subject of an active impeachment inquiry. As most Americans know, however, the United States isn't...
Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much...
Satirist Beginning to Suspect He May Secretly Be a Prophet
Aspiring satirist Johnathon Flake expressed a growing conviction to friends and colleagues today that what he once mistook for a cynical and inappropriate sense...
Trump Demands Twitter Give Alternative Fact-Checks to Democrat Tweets
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is not pleased at all that Twitter slapped fact-check labels on two of his tweets yesterday, and his...
