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“I Guess I’ll Just Have to Bomb Iran All By Myself!”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visibly upset John Bolton was seen angrily leaving the White House this morning, having tendered his resignation at the request...
New 2020 Polls Show Chrissy Teigen Leads President P**sy A** B**ch In Head-to-Head Matchup
Currently, the RealClearPolitics polling averages show that next year's presidential election could leave many supporters of the president with a rude awakening come the day after...
President Invites Sarah Palin to Become His Third First Lady
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Within a matter of minutes after finding out that former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Todd were getting...
Chrissy Teigen and The DNC Just Unveiled a New 2020 Slogan
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has unveiled a new slogan for the 2020 presidential campaign. The new slogan was rolled out in...
Sculptor Almost Threw Out a Mitch McConnell That Looked Like an Old Lump of...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A sculptor in the nation's capital almost made quite an embarrassing mistake, but at the time of publication, all seems to...
President Cancels Plans for Twin Trump Towers in Kabul
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump announced on Twitter over the weekend that a secret meeting between U.S. and Taliban officials that was to be...
President Orders ICE to Deport Entertainers
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A feud between two entertainers and the President of the United States erupted on Twitter last night after the most powerful...
Dan Crenshaw Opening Bank That Loans Guns to People on a Hunch
DUMFUQ, TEXAS -- Rep. Dan Crenshaw is opening a bank that will, unlike most traditional institutions of the sort, not be loaning any money...
Trump Hereby Orders Every State to Change Its Name to “Alabama”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The other 49 states in the union have exactly one week to "do whatever bullshit their constitutions require" that will change...
Trump Claims He Never Would’ve Said Dorian Would Hit Alabama If He Knew Where...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An irate President Trump shouted at reporters on the front lawn of the White House this morning, demanding that "everyone, everywhere"...
