Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

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“…when I was researching Hunter’s dick pics again last night, I noticed something I hadn’t seen in the previous six thousand times I’ve looked at them.”

To this very moment, I’m really not sure why she called me, of all people. We’re not friends; we’re not even acquaintances. But for some reason, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene called me up, out of the blue, yesterday, and she told me she wants me to help her spread the word about a new theory she’s got percolating in the salad bowl full of fetid mayo and moldy noodles that is what doctors call her “brain.”

Given that she believes in things like secret space lasers, I couldn’t even begin to guess what her new theory would entail. Then, she laid it on me.

“You know those earthquakes New York City had a couple days ago,” Greene asked me, not hesitating for me to answer before she continued, “Well, I was wrong about them being signs from God, and I want to admit that, publicly, right now.”

Greene said she knows now she was wrong to tweet that she thought the recent Manhattan-based earthquakes were signs from God that America was headed in the wrong direction. Instead, the great-granddaughter of the Confederacy says  she stumbled upon evidence that showed her the true origin of the quakes. That origin?

Hunter Biden’s dick pics.

“It’s just so simple now, really, that I have all the evidence right in front of me. It wasn’t God. God loves America, and he particularly loves Donald Trump, who lives in America, so God prolly wouldn’t strike an American city, even a lib-tarded one like New York, with a quake,” Greene explained. “But when I was researching Hunter’s dick pics again last night, I noticed something I hadn’t seen in the previous six thousand times I’ve looked at them.”

What Marjorie saw, she told me, chilled her right down to her bones. She let out a neigh of anger and stamped her hooves in outrage and sadness in response to what she saw.

“It was there, plain as day! Hunter’s dick has been working directly with George Soros and Barack HUSSEIN Obama to bring this country down from within. First they do the earthquakes, then they do full-blown commie-nism,” Greene insisted. “It’s just, well, it’s so obvious to me and anyone who thinks like I do. I hope that this horse face leading them to water makes the American people drink, but unfortunately the Constitution still says they can do whatever they want as far as voting goes.”

Ms. Greene told me she plans to keep showing people Hunter Biden’s dick until one of two things happens.

“Either seeing Hunter’s dick will convince enough people to go MAGA, or the Supreme Court will rule King Trump is immune from prosecution, and when he’s rightly returned to his throne, he will deal with this entire mess,” Greene said. “I just can’t wait for the American people to finally wake up to the dangers posed by Hunter Biden’s dick.”

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