Ghost of General Lee to Appear at 2022 CPAC

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This weekend, conservatives from all over America will meet in the one place they feel most comfortable that isn’t a klan rally — CPAC. As is ever the case, the list of invited speakers is quite head-turning and noteworthy.

The Conservative Political Action Committee’s yearly conference is meant to showcase the best and brightest that American conservativism has to offer. Intellectual titans and luminaries like Donald Trump Jr’s coke nose, Mike Lindell’s crack pipe, Sarah Palin, and the women she shares a brain cell with — Reps. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) and Marjhorsearie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) have spoken in the past. One year, CPAC put a flaming cross on stage and it delivered what many in the pro-MAGA movement consider to be the best speech in American history. This year’s list includes notable entries like alleged Democrat Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, but CPAC just added another speaker that may even rival Gabbard for attention.

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CPAC released a statement ahead of their big announcement.

“As Donald Trump proved, American conservatives are all about traitors these days, and it is with great pleasure that we announce CPAC has secured the technology we need to raise General Robert E. Lee, one of the greatest traitors in American history, from the dead. General Lee will be delivering a keynote address that we don’t think any true, red blooded, ammo hoarding, Jesus loving, gravy swilling patriot will want to miss. The South shall rise again, from their graves, and it’s all happening at CPAC 2022!”

Lee, who led the Confederate Army against the United States in order to protect the South’s right to own black people, might be a curious choice for the political movement who identify as the Party of Lincoln. Lee was quite literally Lincoln’s sworn enemy. CPAC doesn’t seem to mind that paradox.

“Unlike whiny libtard cucks, we encourage all forms of legitimate political discourse, such as assassinating presidents who do anything to halt the march of white supremacy in America, insurrections after you lose elections, and so on. General Lee did nothing wrong, other than a little treason and overseeing the literal murder of his fellow Americans in an open war against this very country. The libs can try to cancel him, but you can’t cancel General Lee!”

In related news, the Taliban has accepted CPAC’s offer to setup a recruitment booth at the conference this year, citing a “chance for real right-wing religious zealotry synergy.”

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