Dana Rohrabacher Says He Only Attended Trump’s Insurrection to ‘Lend Moral and Tactical Support’

Published on

On January 6th, 2021, former President Donald Trump threw up the most significant Hail Mary pass in the history of the United States, but he wasn’t on a football field at the time. Instead, he stood before a large, angry, violent mob and egged them on, encouraging them to confront Congress before they certified that he was, in fact, a loser who lost on the biggest stage imaginable. Had his insurrection worked, it’s unclear how many elected officials would have been killed or arrested by the one-term, twice permanently impeached D-list reality TV game show host’s throng of ginned-up, angry melanin-free soldiers.

The insurrection, however, ended in the same fashion that Trump Ice, Trump Steaks, and Trump University ended — in an embarrassing, epic failure. But not because the foamy-mouthed MAGA warriors didn’t have “moral and tactical support” from someone with direct knowledge of the capitol grounds and its security. Former Congressman Dana Rohrabacher has just acknowledged that video clips showing he was at the insurrection are, in fact, not fake news.

“I marched to protest, and I thought the election was fraudulent and it should be investigated, and I wanted to express that and be supportive of that demand,” Rohrabacher told the Portland (Maine) Press Herald. “But I was not there to make a scene and do things that were unacceptable for anyone to do.” (USA Today)

Rohrabacher, who famously threw a snowball on the House floor to demonstrate that climate change isn’t real, said he wasn’t there to participate in the overthrow of the government. He was only there, Rohrabacher claimed to WKKK AM’s Chip Chatterly, to lend support.

McEnany: “I Only Lied Every Time I Didn’t Tell The Truth”

“Chip, now, the left and the intelligentsia is going to come and try to cancel me with their George Soros Antifa socialist voodoo,” Rohrabacher insisted, “but let me just say this — I went to protest democracy and to lend moral and tactical support, that’s it. Anyone saying otherwise is a fake news soyboy beta cuck.”

Rep. Rohrabacher (Q-CA) served in the House for thirty years, between 1989 and 2019. In that time, he says, he “accumulated a wealth of intelligence” that he thought the people storming the capitol might need. He also understands how hard it is to grieve over losing an election, and wanted to show the MAGAs in attendance he was with them. Rohrabacher slammed elections as “popularity contests” and said that “it would be better if people were told how to use their freedoms the way God and Jesus and the Constitution say they should.”

“The bottom line is that losing elections is a terrible feeling, and given that I have accumulated a wealth of intelligence about the capitol itself,” Rohrabacher explained, “I thought I might be able to help them feel better about losing by giving them some helpful intel for their violent uprising. As one does, Chip. As one does.”

Rohrabacher said that he was not there to “install any presidents,” only to support other people who were doing that.

“Now, if it had been President Putin we were trying to get put into office? That’s a whole other question, comrade,” Rohrabacher said. “A whole other question indeed.”

Fauci Nominated for Nobel Prize in Dealing With Criticism From Morons Who Couldn’t Do Your Job

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

If I Don’t Have a Biden Flag, Biden Shoes, or Biden Bible, Am I Really Voting for Biden?

PROF. McTERRY: And who won the election? JAMES: Well, I don't fuck my cousin, so I know...

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...