Chemtrail Learning Center Expands Into Amusement Park

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Seattle, WA — The Washington State-based Evergreen Chemtrail Learning Center (ECLC) announced today that they plan on expanding its 4-year-old learning center to include amusement rides and other attractions. Opened in 2013 with the help of a sizable 25 million dollar grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the ECLC set out to help educate the public about the benefits of active chemtrail operations in the United States and around the world.

“Over the past 4 years we have done some great work here at Evergreen,” said Vice President of Corporate Communications Bethany Millbright. “But our work is just beginning. Our mission and motto is ‘dimmer skies are better skies’ as we manage the planet for whatever environmental catastrophe is before us. And here and the learning center, our aggressive outreach is really starting to pay dividends. But we needed to reach that valuable younger demographic, which is why we have introduced various amusement park attractions to augment our existing ‘edu-tainment’ offerings.”

The expansion, which included over 50,000 square feet of rides, games and interactive “Chemtrail-ographies,” which are harrowing and entertaining tales of brave chemtrail pilots, has already opened and initial feedback is positive.

“When Dad told us we were going to an airplane museum or whatever for our summer vacation, I was like, ‘really Dad?’,” said 18-year-old Kevin Thomas of Grass Valley, CA who visited the learning center with this family over the past week. “But they have this excellent water slide that moves you through this chemtrail plane or whatever it’s called. It was so cool.”

Along with its main attraction, the “Chemtrail Shooter” which zooms amusement park visitors through the belly of a 747 much in the same way geoengineering chemicals do during high-altitude spraying operations, visitors can also experience the “Aluminum Experience” sponsored by Alcoa, which is a high-speed roller coaster build solely out of various heavy metals. And if that’s not enough, thrill seekers can ride the “Volcanic Ash Adventure,” which is modeled after Disneyland’s Matterhorn, but subjects participants to small amounts EPA-allowed coal ash and sulfur dioxide designed to simulate what it’s like to live in a geoengineered world.

“We really think these new attractions are key to living up to what the Gates Foundation chartered us to do in 2013,” continued Ms. Millbright. “and who says you can’t fun when you’re learning about the necessary delights of Chemtrail operations?”

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