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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...
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Business

Massengill and Summer’s Eve Are Co-Sponsoring the Kanye/Trump Summit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When two of the greatest political minds of our time meet...
Arts & Entertainment

White Nationalist Having Taylor Swift Tattoo Lasered Off

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- White nationalist and pro-Trump poccaster Jethro Bohiggins says he...
U.S. Politics

Hungover Kavanaugh Asks If Oath Still Counts If He Was Blacked Out While Taking It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A bleary-eyed, disheveled looking Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was seen...
MAGA News

Scores Of Women Demanding Susan Collins Turn In Her Vadge

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The office of Senator Susan Collins is confirming at the time...
MAGA News

Lindsey Graham ‘Warming Up’ To Taste Of Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Throughout the 2016 presidential election season, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was...
MAGA News

Budweiser To Sponsor “Kavanaugh’s Konfirmation Kegger” At White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Within hours of his confirmation to the Supreme Court of the...
Criminal Justice

Kavanaugh Pledges To Treat Cases Involving ‘Vile, Left-Wing Dangerous Lunatic Democrats’ Fairly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Embattled Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh issued a statement today in...
MAGA News

Trump’s Already Picked Out The Perfect Racist Joke To Test FEMA Alert System

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In just a few short hours, President Donald Trump will use...
MAGA News

Pro-Trump Podcaster: ‘If Merrick Garland Was A Real Man He Would’ve Tried To Rape Somebody’ To Get On Supreme Court

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and YouTuber Jethro Bohiggins told subscribers to...
MAGA News

Trump Offers Last Minute Compromise: Replace Kavanaugh With Bill Cosby

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Offering to "help two sexual predators with one stone," President Donald...
U.S. Politics

Drunken Kavanaugh Can’t Believe He’s Been Betrayed By The American Bar Association

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though the American Bar Association once endorsed Judge Brett Kavanaugh's nomination...
U.S. Politics

McConnell: Republicans Poised To ‘Fulfill Constitutional Duty To Dehumanize And Insult Sexual Assault Victims’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With Senator Jeff Flake confirming that the rumors of his having...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)