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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity from prosecution  -- even for attempting coups -- that we're headed in the wrong direction as a country. And sure, if you're one of those libtarded cucks who thinks self-governance...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
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World News

“I Guess I’ll Just Have to Bomb Iran All By Myself!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visibly upset John Bolton was seen angrily leaving the White...
MAGA News

Rally Crowd Shocked and Dismayed When President Tells a Single Truth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a campaign rally in North Carolina this week, President Donald...
U.S. Politics

New 2020 Polls Show Chrissy Teigen Leads President P**sy A** B**ch In Head-to-Head Matchup

Currently, the RealClearPolitics polling averages show that next year's presidential election could leave many supporters of...
MAGA News

President Invites Sarah Palin to Become His Third First Lady

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Within a matter of minutes after finding out that former half-term...
The Democrats

Chrissy Teigen and The DNC Just Unveiled a New 2020 Slogan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has unveiled a new slogan for the...
Arts & Entertainment

Sculptor Almost Threw Out a Mitch McConnell That Looked Like an Old Lump of Unused Clay

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A sculptor in the nation's capital almost made quite an embarrassing...
Business

President Cancels Plans for Twin Trump Towers in Kabul

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump announced on Twitter over the weekend that a secret...
MAGA News

Taliban Spokesman Says They Weren’t Sure They Wanted to Hang Out With a ‘Religious Kook’ Like Mike Pence Anyway

AFGHANISTAN -- A spokesterrorist for the Taliban announced today that his employers are "just...
Food and Dining

5 Restaurants You Simply Must Get Food Poisoning From

Not to sound too controversial, but food is pretty important to the human experience....
Immigration

President Orders ICE to Deport Entertainers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A feud between two entertainers and the President of the United...
MAGA News

Trump Releases New Photos From His Wedding to First Lady Melania

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States released new photos of his...
Pew Pew!

Dan Crenshaw Opening Bank That Loans Guns to People on a Hunch

DUMFUQ, TEXAS -- Rep. Dan Crenshaw is opening a bank that will, unlike most...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)