Washington, D.C. — The Syracuse Women’s Basketball team were stunned this past week after President Donald Trump served them salads at a White House event. The President insisted on purchasing 100 pre-packaged salads from area McDonald’s to prove that he was capable of “running things during the government shutdown.”
“We don’t have a kitchen staff here at the White House now because of the Democrats,” said Mr. Trump addressing the Syracuse women. “So I purchased all these salads for you girls. I don’t like salads, you know. But you girls do, don’t you? Yes, you do, trust me, I know. Besides you need to keep thin, right?”
Mr. Trump has made a point to highlight his successes during the recent government shutdown. He is famous for not taking a paycheck, and for being a self-made billionaire, a claim that many have disputed.
“I didn’t want you to come here without anything to eat,” continued Mr. Trump. “So I was thinking, ‘you know, what do girls like to eat?’ and that’s when it came to me. Girls eat a lot of salads and chicken breasts. So I got some of those too for you. Chicken breasts. Yeah. You’re gonna love those.”
When asked whose idea the salad and chicken breast “buffet” was, White House Press Secretary Sarah Sander said the idea was the President’s.
“The President came up with the idea all by him self. He even snuck out this morning right after Fox and Friends and went to McDonald’s to pick up the salads himself. The Secret Service was not happy about that, but that’s the kind of fearless man he is.”
According to McDonald’s employee Jimmie Gavert, he was shocked when he saw President Trump walk in.
“It was about 10am and the President walked in and asked for 100 McClub Salads with extra ranch dressing packets,” said Mr. Gavert nervously looking around. “I had to tell him that we didn’t serve regular food until 10:30, and he said, ‘I understand, I’ll wait.’ So he sat there in the dining room eating 3 Egg McMuffins and a Diet Coke. And sure enough, right at 10:30 he approached the counter and ordered the salads.”
At that point, Mr. Trump and 5 Secret Service guards carried the salad containers out to the Presidential caravan, quickly shoved them into the limousines, and drove off.
Syracuse Number 13 point guard Michelle Ramonson said that she wasn’t offended by the President’s gesture at all.
“Well, it’s better than dorm food. It’s what my parents do when they come and visit. Sure, it was a little weird how well the President understood how McDonald’s worked and stuff like that, but they’re just salads. I wouldn’t read into too much.”
A White House memo released later in the day confirmed that the President had indeed paid for the salad meals using a credit card left by former Defense Secretary James Mattis. The entire meal cost a little over $700.00, and an extra $25.00 for the additional ranch packets.
