Yearly Archives: 2021

Experts Say Arkansas Abortion Ban Could Mean State Sees 100,000% Increase in Cousin-Siblings

"A scenario that forces every pregnancy to full-term could cause the incestual American population in the state to absolutely, positively explode."

Biden’s Name Won’t Be on New Checks Because He Already Knows What It’s Like Signing Checks That Won’t Bounce

"I could see why the previous guy would be tempted to have that feeling for once in his worthless life."

Poll: 90% of Americans Support Inventing Time Travel to Convince Ted Cruz’s Mom to Be Pro-Choice

"In this country, you can't get this kind of agreement on the wetness of water."

South Dakota Gov. Signs Law Allowing Her to Check Student Athlete Undies

“The governor of course, as a Republican, is a true stalwart defender of small government. As in, government so small it can climb inside your pee hole."

Papa John’s New Slogan: “Better Ingredients. Better Pizza. No N-Words After 20 Months of Deprogramming.”

"Congratulations, John, on entering the 21st century just a couple of decades too late!"

Q-Believers Now Say Trump Will Become the 19th President on March 35th, 2235

"Our new chatter seems to indicate that the real date of President Emperor God King Donaldus Q. Trump I will happen on the 35th of March, in the Year of Our Tangerine Lord 2235."

Trump to Spend Romantic International Women’s Day With The Woman He Loves Most

"If you thought the spread at the Clemson ceremony was impressive, just you wait until you see what he’s got in store for Ivanka."

After Meghan and Harry’s Interview, Stephen Miller Wants to Work For the Crown

"Stephen started emailing copies of his resumé to anyone who might have contact with the Crown right away."