Yearly Archives: 2020

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Totally Bulls*it News

Trump: Coronavirus Part of Deep State Plot to Tank the Stock Market and Hurt His Re-Election Chances

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. stock market is having its worst...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Issues Executive Order for Dow Jones to Work Like Golf Scores

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the markets opened today, the Dow Jones...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

President Acknowledges He Had to Buy His Sons’ Way Into Trump University

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last year, America was rocked by a scandal...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Spoiler Alert: You’re a Fucking Asshole

Hey, you! Yeah, you! I hope you're sitting down, and in...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Poll Shows Majority of Americans Wouldn’t Mind if Coronavirus Outbreak Contained Only to Oval Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A new poll just released shows that a...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Mike Pence Orders CDC to Quadruple Thought and Prayer Capacity to Combat Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his first official act in the capacity...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

‘This country will never elect a socialist!’ – Woman Who Said No Black Man Would Ever Be President

GLEN SPRINGS, CONNECTICUT -- Susan Haroldson is a 64-year-old mother of...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Worried Too Many Solar Panels Means Humans Might ‘Suck Up All the Sunlight’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Presdident Donald Trump today told reporters that "one...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Mike Pence Listening to Low-Volume Porn on Headphones But Tells Mother It’s ASMR

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't like to do it; in fact,...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Five Humans and Two Billionaires Hold Two Hour Shouting Match

SOUTH CAROLINA -- Last night, five human beings and two billionaires...
James Schlarmann -
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