Yearly Archives: 2020

Report: Ow! Fuck! Pins and Needles!

GREEN PORT, LOUISIANA -- Sources close to the situation are reporting...

DNC Announces New Strategy: Encouraging Trump Supporters to Protest Coronavirus Lockdowns

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee announced today that it...

Fat Fuck Attention Whore: “Thousands of People Dying Don’t Hurt My Fabulous TV Ratings!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, America's most powerful elected twatwaffle held yet...

Taco Bell Unveils New “Nacho Cheese Chalu-IPA” Craft Beer

IRVINE, CALIFORNIA -- Alleged food purveyor Taco Bell will be the...

Devin Nunes: ‘Only 10,000 Benghazis’ Not Worth Shutting Down Economy Over COVID-19

DIPSHIT, CALIFORNIA -- On September 11th, 2012, a terrorist attack was...

Trump Boys Mortuaries Opens Across America’s Heartland

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Never shy about a business venture...

Oprah Winfrey School of Medicine Revokes Degrees Given to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- One of the nation's leading reality-TV medical schools...

Man on COVID Quarantine Really Missing Taco Bell Shits

LA MIERDA LIQUIDA, CALIFORNIA -- Getting used to living in the...

Historians Unearth Draft of Famous Patrick Henry ‘Give Me Retail Shopping and Give Me Death’ Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the National Academy of History and...

Donald Trump Jr: “Americans Need to Go Back to Pretending to Work Like Me”

"My daddy always said if I can do something, literally any fucking moron in the world can do it, too."