Yearly Archives: 2019

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Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Calls Domino’s Pizza “The Enemy of the People” for Forgetting His Hot Wing Dipping Sauce

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The list of people, businesses, and government officials...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Hereby Orders Burger King to Always Give Him Extra Ketchup Packets

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Trump broke yet new rhetorical ground...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Intellectual Titan Joe Rogan Shows America How Fun Nazis Can Be When They’re High As Fuck

ANABOLIC VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- In 2014, former reality-TV host and alleged...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump: “David Koch Would Have Never Died If He’d Donated to My Campaign”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking to reporters from the lawn of the...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

David Koch’s Estate Sale to Include Several Republican Politicians

GALT, KANSAS -- Billionaire industrialist and Republican mega-donor David Koch passed...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

For Some Reason, Sarah Huckabee Sanders Pretty Confident She Can Lie for Donald Trump on Fox News

PIG SLOP CROTCH, ARKANSAS -- Sarah Huckabee Sanders is going to...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Trump Issues Executive Order for Bible Publishers to Delete Commandment Forbidding False Idols

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, during an impromptu press conference and...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

God Clarifies Trump is the ‘Chosen One to Warn Others Not to Become Fat, Slovenly, Racist Morons’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Today, in what would be bizarre...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Denmark Says Greenland Will Be For Sale When Donald Trump Jr. Can Spell It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Citing the fact that it was a day...
James Schlarmann -
Totally Bulls*it News

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Starts Charity to Rebuild Burned Down Childhood Belfry

PIG SLOP CROTCH, ARKANSAS -- Former White House Propaganda Secretary Sarah...
James Schlarmann -
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