BEECH WOOD, ARIZONA — Todd Heath is a 32-year-old husband, father of two children, Eva and Heinrich, and he owns a construction company in Arizona. Todd is also a neo-Nazi, and he was at the rally in Phoenix put on by President Donald Trump last night. Heath was an early supporter of Trump, though he admits that it wasn’t until he saw both the KKK and the American Nazi Party endorse the alleged billionaire that he became a “full-fledged Trumper,” in his words.
“I mean, I liked what he said about Mexicans right out of the gate,” Heath told his podcast audience last night, “but I just wasn’t sure. I always thought of him as some big city, Hollywood libtard. But when I saw Stormfront and my beloved Nazi Party endorse him, I knew I could trust the orange man to deliver our country back to us.”
At the Phoenix rally, Trump defended his response to the violence in Charlottesville, Virginia just over a week ago in which a woman lost her life. 32-year-old Heather Heyer was rundown in a senseless act of violence when a white supremacist plowed his car into a large group of people protesting the presence of white nationalists in their town. The various hate groups were in Charlottesville to protest the removal of a statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee.
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“President Trump is perfectly right,” Heath said, “his response was exactly correct. He was right to call out both sides. Although, if I’m being honest, I think he might have been too harsh on we Nazis. What, just because we advocate a violent ethnic cleansing, that means we don’t deserve respect?”
Todd also told his podcast audience that he was particularly impressed by Trump’s attacks on the media. At one point, the president said the media creates a “platform to hate groups.” Trump tweeted a clip of his condemnation of the press, which is protected by the First Amendment in the Bill of Rights, seen below.
Not only does the media give a platform to hate groups, but the media turns a blind eye to the gang violence on our streets! pic.twitter.com/Mau0B1qYIP
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 23, 2017
Mr. Heath said the room “was electrified” when Trump laced into the media. He says that the president has made it “abundantly and undeniably clear” that he thinks the press are the worst people in America. Todd says he couldn’t agree more with that assessment.
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“Um, first off? They’re all a bunch of Jews so…you know,” Todd explained, “Second off, I would really like to know what the hell they think gives them the right to print the lies they do. It’s one thing for our Dear President to lie, but why are they quoting him accurately and then pointing out when he lied? I’ll tell you why, and I think this will come as no shock to any of my regular viewers or listeners — JEWS.”
Heath angrily derided the press, saying that Trump was right to call them “fake news” all the time.
“A great man with a funny mustache once called the press in his country the ‘lugenpresse,'” Heath said, “which we all know means ‘lying press.’ You really think it’s a coincidence that the guy who got elected with the help of the alt-right’s favorite media platform is using modified Nazi rhetoric? Of course it’s not. And that is why Trump is the fuhrer this country deserves right now!”
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Todd said he plans to help the president “spread his message” this weekend.
“I bought a bunch of lumber at ACE,” Heath explained, “and I’m going to lay out a bunch of wooden lowercase T’s in the shape of swastikas and burn them in front of the newspaper offices in town. Because nothing says that I value the Constitution better than terrorizing protected members of the free and fair press, am I right, fam?”
Reached for comment, the White House said that they were “pleased” to hear that Todd planned to help get their message out, and that he is “clearly one of the good ones that the president talked about.”
“Hail Trump! Hail victory,” Todd shouted upon hearing his tangerine hero had given him the presidential seal of approval.
