The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The views and opinions expressed by Mr. Bohiggins are only those of Mr. Bohiggins, and not those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. 

I seem to be personally hurt by the idea of someone who doesn’t look like me getting a chance to contribute in any meaningful way. And why would I be personally hurt if it wasn’t because I was being literally robbed at gunpoint of something I never knew I had in the first place?

The inevitable backsliding of this country under Democrat – excuse me, DEMONcrat – control continues unabational.

Cultural Marxism, which we all know is the true root of the rot at the core of the liberal mindset, has begun to truly infect every aspect of our lives. Wokism is gone amok. And it is costing us dearly on college campuses and in Hollyweird movies I don’t even know why I care about because they’re all pedo groomer demon worshipers anyway.

But now the price of these George Soros financed Antifa-inspired attacks on the cultural fiber of this great nation I love about 30% of the populace of have taken a very, very personal toll. Thanks to cancel culture and the woke mind virus, I don’t have no black friends anymore. And I blame, as any wise America First MAGA patriot would, DEI.

What’s DEI?

Well, it’s not Don, Eric, and Ivanka, as I had originastically thought. So, I’m gonna get my DEI tramp stamp tattoo lasered off as soon as my Trump Sneakers come in and I can sell them for an enormous profit. If the commies who run the capitalist stock market didn’t force Truth Social to admit how shittily it was run, my $DJT stock alone would prolly cover it. But anyway, I digest. Let’s get back to the topic at hand.

DEI has robbed me of my black friends. Okay, my black friend, singular, but still…it just galls me. Here I thought I had made friends with one of the good ones, and the next thing you know, I’m gettin’ in a full blown argument with her over my collection of confederate flags and memorabilia!

THANKS, OBAMA.

So what is DEI, if it ain’t an arachnid for My Forever President’s three blessed crotch fruit? It means “Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion,” which if you’re like me and follow the teachings of Christ taught in the New King Trump and Greenwood Holy Bible, then you’re quite skeptical. It sounds like commie bullshit, this whole entire notion of loving and including everyone, as if you’re not automatically better than them because you believe in the right God and your skin tone is appropriate devoid of melanin!

And the truth is that it makes me both sad and mad that people don’t seem to get how harmful and reverse-racist DEI policies are! They’re, by design, giving minorities a chance which means they have to be taking SOMETHING away from we whites, right? Isn’t that how it works?

I seem to be personally hurt by the idea of someone who doesn’t look like me getting a chance to contribute in any meaningful way. And why would I be personally hurt if it wasn’t because I was being literally robbed at gunpoint of something I never knew I had in the first place? See what I mean, fam?

There I go digesting again, though. I do apologize. I get so mad about DEI to begin with, but now that I’ve lost my dear black friend over it, I just can’t keep my brain settled enough to explain just why I’m so mad about DEI right now!

So I guess I’ll just leave it there, because I’m sure you all get why DEI is to blame for my black friend not liking my confederate flags or sample of Robert E. Lee’s jizz I got from the vet who did the autopsy on his favorite horse. Why be-Labrador the point, know what I mean?