When Will Biden Call Off His War on Rapey Conmen Coup Conspirators?

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The following editorial was written by Jethro Bohiggins — a pro-MAGA singer/songwriter and podcast host. The views and opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Bohiggins, and not necessarily this outlet, it’s ownership, or management. 

If there’s one thing the Bible commands all we Christian American Patriots do, it’s stand by our rapey, fart-napping Commander in Chief!

I just don’t recognize this country much anymore, fam. It used to be that here in America, we had law and order, and now all of a sudden that’s been replaced by Joe Biden’s Personal War on Rapey Conmen Coup Conspirators — all of which is our RIGHT AS AMERICANS to be…I’m pretty sure.

And I can’t help but speculize that all this means America is about to die from full-blown Soros-backed commie-nism! More people should be panicking right now!

Unless you were sleeping under a rock this week, you surely saw that Our Dear Temporarily Embarrassed and Powerless President Donald J. Trump was convicted on 34 felony charges in a New York City court. Apparently you’re not allowed to bang a porn star, pay her hush money, and then lie about that hush money on your taxes anymore? And even if that’s been the law for a long time, and even if a Democrat called John Edwards essentially was convicted of the same offenses, we all know the big, clear difference. Trump is a good, clean, melanin-free rich Republican, and that other guy was, as I said before, a Democrat.

While we wait to see if the judge in that case has the outright jerkishness and lack of good sense to impose a jail sentence on Trump like he would with any other person who broke the the exact same laws, we can see that this isn’t the only case that Joe Biden is personally taking up against Lord Donald! We all know Biden is personally behind these cases, by the way, even the ones where the justice system literally has no role for the president to play because they’re being brought by states! I used to love state’s rights before, when it was all about keeping brown people poorer than poor white people…but now?

It’s all a sinister plot, I tell you.

Trump’s still gotta face the liberal firing squads in Georgia and Florida. All because he might have stolen documents from the government and refused to give them back and/or done a coup attempt! But since when are coups and stealing docs from the government illegal when Republicans do it?! This is an outrage.

I’d be worried about what all this legal trouble meant for Trump, except I know that even being held legally liable for raping a woman and then repeatedly defaming her won’t knock him off his stride. If there’s one thing the Bible commands all we Christian American Patriots do, it’s stand by our rapey, fart-napping Commander in Chief!

Sure, maybe he still can’t get people to stop voting for Haley in primaries she already dropped out of. Sure, maybe in every election since Trump’s Supreme Court overturned Roe Democrats have outperformed polls bigly, but I have a gut feeling that he’s gonna be okay, just as soon as Biden ends his war on Trump, of course. And this is the same gut feeling that told me Trickle Down Economics works, there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and that Trump has a normal sized and shaped peen-ween which he’s never openly admitted to wanting to slide into his own daughter’s slop cubby, so I think we’re gonna be real good, in the long run anyway.

Keep the faith, fam. I know it’s gettin’ hard to, but keep that faith.

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