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Trump Retweets Anthropomorphized Swastika

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"I'm insulted and so is every rotblütig American out there."

Kellyanne Conway Desperately Trying to Reach Michael Flynn Via The Microwave Network

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"The president understands that Mr. Flynn is a fine, upstanding grazhdanin."

Trump Releases Pussy He Was Grabbing Long Enough For A Thoughtful Soliloquy On Men...

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump today gave an impromptu monologue on the importance for all men to respect and empower women. Just shortly...

Nation’s Famous, Elderly, Manipulative, Mentally Unstable Psychopath Cult Leader Inventories Cut In Half Overnight

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"That leaves the United States in a precarious position with just one famous, elderly, manipulative, mentally unstable psychopath to carry the load."

Trump Creates Department Of Comedy And Sexual Misconduct, Louis C.K. & Bill Cosby Will...

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"We're equal opportunity harassers in this administration."

Elton John And Donald Trump To Release Collaboration Of Their Greatest Hits In...

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"This will be the most popular album ever released."

Trump Wants His Bone Spurs Added To Vietnam War Memorial

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"If we can't add them to the memorial, can I give them a presidential medal of freedom or some shit?"

Trump Wants Rogue Twitter Employee Deemed Enemy Combatant and Sent to Gitmo

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"This is worse than even an uppity urban taking a knee during the National Anthem."

Press Secretary Asks Congress if She Can Be Paid By The Lie

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"I just think I'll make way more by volume that way."

Trump Offers President of Manhattan Condolences and Full Assistance of the United States Government

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"It's only right that when one of our neighbors needs help, we offer them that help."